Bullying must not simply be seen as a “youth problem,” but must be viewed as resulting from larger societal issues. Institutional bullying and harassment do not exist within a vacuum, but rather reflect and actually reproduce the messages and actions stemming from the social environment.

I refer to this as “the social ecology of bullying and harassment.” Ecology can be defined as the relationships between organisms and their environment. We must, therefore, investigate the larger sociological and psychological environment for us to determine, understand, and if necessary, institute procedures to change our institutional environments.

Those who bully often fulfill the social “function” of establishing and reinforcing the social norms. They often justify their behaviors by blaming the targets of their attacks, and emphasizing that they somehow deserve the aggression because they in some ways deviate from the established peer social norms.
Warren J. Blumenfeld

In response to Alison's opening question, I am aware of some bullying that takes place here in West Des Moines. I haven't heard much that is beyond the razzing and ridiculing that seems to present in any school - but that could very well be due to the issue of kids who are bullied being afraid to tell people about it. As some of you are talking about, its a very complex issue. Will the bully treat them worse if they "tattle"? Will others who learn they are struggling join in and attack their "weakness"? Does staying quiet about it allow them to protect their ego in thinking no one knows and therefore they can pretend like it's not happening themselves? In my opinion and experience, the key (as with most things) is relationships. Does each kid know ONE person they can go to? A friend, a parent, a teacher or counselor? Are adults who are in a position to help making the intentional effort to create relationships with those kids who might not have someone? From what I've experienced, seen or heard, it seems that most victims of bullying feel alone. As the panel is mentioning, finding support from peers to stand up to the bullying is HUGE but it doesn't have to be peers and it doesn't have to be public. Sometimes just feeling supported, even in different ways or about different things, can save someone a lot of hardship. At the YMCA, we do our best to give our young members a place to feel safe, supported and to create relationships with peers or with our program leaders.

There is a big difference between "reporting" and "tattling." "Reporting" is for the purpose of taking an action that can end an abusive situation, while "tattling" is an action that can cause trouble. We need to help our youth distinguish between the two.

What I have seen is that often when the people who are bullied do not tell a trusted friend and adult, they internalize the bullying -- the pain, the anger -- and it turns to self hatred and a lower sense of esteem. However, we also need to assure the youth that their reports will be taken SERIOUSLY by adults -- parents, teachers, guidance counselors, administrators -- and action will be taken to end the bullying behaviors. Even though the state of Iowa and each school district has in place a set of bulling prevention policies, we need to see to it that all reports of bullying are, indeed, followed up. We also need to see to it that schools take pro-active stands to lower the chances of bullying occurring in the first place. We must all become involved.

@Warren You note that students often internalize the bullying that they receive. What is a good way for parents to notice if their children are struggling emotionally like this?

When explaining reporting to students, I say that tattling is telling to get some in trouble, but reporting is telling in order to get someone out of trouble. It's important that we teach children this difference because it is critical that bullying incidents get reported so adults can step in to keep it from continuing or getting worse.

There is another important way to help stop bullying, though, and that's addressing the role of bystanders. Research shows that 57% of the time, bullying stops in less than 10 seconds when peers intervene on behalf of the child being bullied (Drew, 2010). We must teach everyone what bullying is and what they can do to stop it. Bystanders who do nothing or laugh along with someone who is bullying encourage it to continue. When peers are what we call "up-standers" and stand up for the child being bullied, however, that is powerful. This is not to say that kids should "handle bullying" on their own. Rather, teaching children to be up-standers is one part of addressing this problem. That along with making sure adults are ready to intervene and know how to help both the person doing the bullying and the target is key. It definitely takes a collective effort to make our schools and communities safe for everyone.

Violence is never the answer, and sometimes, it's not the typical playground bully you see in movies, on top of that, if you're feeling so alone and hurt, you don't typically want to band together with the people around you.

There was a series of twitter bullying attacks on Linn-Mar and Cedar Rapids High-School students last fall in which no-one knew who was spreading rumors or telling secrets because the account remained anonymous. The accounts had to be taken to court, where the court demanded the Twitter release the IP addresses of the people behind the accounts.

The internet has had a large impact on how bullying works, sometimes, you may never know how or who started the bullying, or why.

One thing I do agree with you on Erv is that bullying can be curbed in part by students who stand up for each other. This doesn't mean it has to be forming your own posse to mete out paybacks, it can be as simple as just letting the bully know that what they're doing is low class, uncool, etc. If this message is delivered by the right student(s) it can make a difference.

An action like this also lets the bullied individual know that they aren't the one who is the problem.

@Matt Shankles: What could fellow students have done (or did they do) to help you in your situation?

According to the American Medical Association definition: “Bullying is a specific type of aggression in which the behavior is intended to harm or disturb, the behavior occurs repeatedly over time, and there is an imbalance of power, with a more powerful person or group attacking a less powerful one.”

I agree that bullying is about an imbalance of power. One of the main models that kids have for the proper use of power is the way their school treats them. The more coercive and punitive the schools are, and the more closely they police every aspect of the kids' behavior, the more they are modelling the very conduct you want to discourage.

Like all school districts across the state, we are concerned about bullying in Cedar Falls. This year a specific task force of district administrators, counselors, teachers, community members, parents, and students was formed to address this very issue. We have been collecting data re: bullying incidents as well as student and adult perceptions regarding bullying in our schools. We have also been updating our district's bullying/harassment policy, creating a working definition of bullying so that everyone K-12 is defining bullying in the same way, and making our reporting procedures streamlined for both students, parents, and staff. Next, we will be looking at updating both our prevention and intervention activities for all students K-12. We know that preventive education is key for both those who may bully, those who are targets, and those who are upstanders. Parent and staff education are also important, and we are making plans to address this too. I am excited and pleased with our district's proactive stance in dealing with this difficult issue.

Actually, that is not always the case, Chris. As a public school employee I am required by law to file a verbal report if I reasonably suspect a student in our school is being sexually/physically abused, either on premises or elsewhere. Failing to file this report results in a possible fine and prison time.

In my mind bullying is abuse, and should be treated the same.

Richard -- You're right that it's not always the case, but it is the general rule, and only in special circumstances (such as in the case of teachers) does the law impose a duty on people to report. Kids are not school employees, and I don't think they should be punished for not policing their classmates' conduct. The exceptions are fine, but they should remain the exceptions, and not become the rule.

In our district, students receive lessons specifically focused on educating students about cyber-bullying. We involve our school resource officer in this process as well. From speaking with our school resource officer, it is my understanding that there are things that the police can do to track down "anonymous" electronic communications by connecting with phone companies and internet providers.

Does anyone have advice for Dawn and how she can protect her son in school next year? Who should she talk to/what it the process for reporting she should follow?

Peet Junior High in Cedar Falls, in particular, has developed their own student leadership group which is focused on stopping bullying. They recently put together an assembly about bullying for all students and have done updates to their reporting procedures. They have also worked to establish classroom norms with students, including how they want to treat one another to make the learning environment safe and positive for everyone. I know personally that all Cedar Falls staff are committed to stopping bullying and take all reports seriously. If you have a concern, please contact the administrator or school counselor in the school your child attends.

Todd - unfortunately, bullying is often a part of sports when there is no supervisor/referee. It's one of many environments when "alpha males/females" usually get their way just because they have the strongest personality (or body) and are usually the most stubborn (derive the most fuel for their ego from controlling the environment). In my opinion, intimidation in youth sports becomes bullying as soon as it is intentional. My outlook on youth sports is that intimidation can come from the opponent's size, strength, height, or ability.. but should not come from the intimidator saying anything or unfairly using their physical advantage with threats or unnecessary roughness. Sometimes players are obviously joking around, like saying, "You can't stop me!" but the important part is how the 'intimidatee' receives it. You can usually tell the nature of the comment/action by the REACTION. If a kid/adult smiles or laughs it off, it's probably good-natured and playful. If the reaction is hostility or withdrawal, the line has been crossed. That is always what I use to judge certain situations. Different kids (and adults) can "take it" at different levels, of course. Therefore, the older the players, the more they can say/do more as a part of good-natured gamesmanship. This is also good practice for kids to tailor communication to their audience when a certain peer can't handle the same style of play/trash talking as they're used to.

So many things sports can help us learn ! :)

Dealing with adult bullying in sports is difficult. You obviously can't correct an adult like you would a young person. If the situation suggests it, it's best to have an official (referee, umpire, Athletic Director, etc) who has the authority to warn parents or remove them from the grounds talk to the bully. If that's not an option, it can be really tough. That's why you don't see these adult bullies stood up to all that often. I have tried to remind people that it's just a game and it's for kids. If the players are in high school or older, there's not much that seems appropriate if you don't have authority at the venue. I suppose asking the bully why the players play (fun!) or asking them if they realize what they're doing ("You're being a bully") COULD work.. or it could make it worse. My first attempt to thwart such a bully would be to cheer in encouragement, addressing the negatives that the bully commented on in hopes of them realizing what they're doing without you directly calling them out. "It's alright Billy, we're just here to have fun, you're doing fine!" Sure, it's a little passive-aggressive, but that way you might be able to quiet the bully while also supporting the kid being bullied.

If it's a ref or coach being bullied, they're usually used to it and can probably block it out or just handle it. If it's over the top, usually the ref or a venue official will handle the bully. One of the reasons I don't envy referees!

Juanita,
"Pros" here stand for "professionals," and not "pros" as in "pros and cons." Best, Warren Blumenfeld